Polygamy Porter

There is a beer produced in Utah called Polygamy Porter - with the catch phrase - "Why have just one?"  This, along with the HBO series "Big Love", give the inaccurate picture that Mormons practice polygamy - that is, have more than one wife.  While it is true that there are people living in Utah who do just that, they are not members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  People like the one in this picture

are not Mormons.  They are part of a polygamist clan residing in Hildale, Utah, and Colorado City, Arizona, and should never be confused with Mormons.  In 1998, President Gordon B. Hinckley made the following statement about the LDS Church's position on plural marriage:  "This church has nothing whatever to do with those practicing polygamy.  They are not members of this Church...  If any of our members are found to be practicing plural marriage, they are excommunicated, the most serious penalty the church can impose.  Not only are those so involved in direct violation of the civil law, they are in violation of the law of this Church."

April Fools

Anyone who has been following my blog, will not be surprised that the title of this post doesn't exactly match it's content.  Only in that I am a fool to think that I would receive good service in a bank inside Walmart.  Not only did I not receive good service, I was treated rudely, and with contempt!  I think these people have forgotten why they have jobs.  Having worked in a bank, a grocery store branch, no less, I know that these branches are not there to make money.  They lose money, because a branch of a bank makes it's money from taking in large deposits, and loaning large amounts of money.  These accounts need to be opened at that branch for it to count towards their bottom line.  Needless to say, if I am a large business owner, I am more likely to head to an actual bank, not a grocery store to do my business.  The same for a loan.  So the truth is, the only reason a bank operates in a grocery store, is for convenience, mainly after hours check cashing.  Anyway, back to the service I didn't receive today.  After waiting in line for 10 minutes, and after a manager knew exactly why I was there, I was told I would not be able to trade 2 $5 bills for a roll of quarters.  The logic - I don't have an account with that bank.  Seriously?  At this point, I requested to speak to management, who also told me flat out, that I couldn't even get a $10 bill for my 2 $5 bills, because I don't have an account with that bank. Nor will I.  Every person who walks through that door deserves respect, because every person who walks though that door is a potential customer, a potential account holder.  But then again, maybe I'm just from the wrong side of the river, with no drug money to deposit there.

Bill Clinton

I need help! I woke up from a dream this morning, and the dream was about Bill Clinton.  I dreamed I met him, and was upset that I didn't have my camera with me, or even a piece of paper so I could ask for his autograph.  Very strange, considering I never voted for the man...  Is there some special meaning behind this dream?  Maybe that I should always have my camera with me?  Or perhaps it was just because of the picture Samantha saw on the cover of the latest National Enquirer.  In it, Bill Clinton is standing with two ladies, reported as hookers.  She laughed, and said, "What, so now just because a woman is beautiful, she's a hooker?"  Of course not, I replied "You are gorgeous, and I hope no one would ever refer to you as a hooker." 

Which did get me thinking...  I don't condone Mr. Clinton's actions with a certain Ms. Lewinski, but the idea that these 2 ladies in the picture are prostitutes is absurd!  What if they are just 2 ordinary, star struck citizens, who met the former President and simply wanted a picture with him?  Again, I didn't even vote for the guy, but if I did meet him, I would want a picture, just so people would believe me!
    

Hard Rock Cafe

For over 30 years, "Weird" Al Yankovic has been singing about his food.  My Bologna, I Love Rocky Road. Eat It, Fat, Lasagna, Addicted to Spuds, The White Stuff... 

With all of these songs about food, it never occurred to me that there might be food that sings - until last night, when we heard a song by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, followed by a song by the Black Eyed Peas.  So that got me thinking - how many other kinds of food have had hit records???  I imagined I could probably come up with an entire Hard Rock Café menu of singing food!  Starting out the menu, we could have an appetizer section, with a little Blue Oyster Cult, some Bread or Limp Bizkit.. maybe a little Pearl Jam or perhaps A Taste Of Honey?  Drinks would include April Wine, Brandy, and Ice T.  If the drinks aren't cold enough, just add Ice Cube.  Of course we would have the aforementioned vegetables, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Black Eyed Peas, along with Korn and even some Smashing Pumpkins, and if the vegetables are too bland, we always could add some Spice Girls or Salt N Pepa.  Not to mention a little Kevin Bacon & The Bacon Brothers! Our main courses would be Meatloaf, along with Flying Burrito Brothers.  Got fruit?  Lots of it - Cranberries, Peaches and Herb, Fiona Apple, Blind Melon, and Bananarama.  How about some Cream?  For dessert, Cake and Vanilla Ice.  Have I missed your favorite food?  What would you name your food band?   

Father's Day

I can already hear the crowd murmuring... "Why is he writing about Father's Day in March?"  True, the rest of the world may be celebrating Father's Day on June 15th, and that is fine.  But I celebrate Father's Day on March 27th.  You see, that is a day I became a father.  And becoming a father is as life-changing as any event known to man!  28 years ago today, my first son was born, and while I admit I was secretly hoping for a girl, he was still my son, and I couldn't have loved him more!  A son!  All these years later, and I still overwhelmed by the thought.  The little boy who stole my Oreos, and wouldn't cross the street without holding my hand is all grown up now.  I think back today of a 4 year old, who could tell you the lead singer for Rush.  Seeing him off to kindergarten... Birthday cakes with ice cream and trick candles.  I think of the day he told me he himself was a daddy.  Sure, we both made mistakes over our 28 years, but hey, he loves Johnny Cash, so I must have done something right :-)  Happy Birthday Phil, I love you!   

Too Many Books, So Little Time!

So last night, Samantha asked me how I read so fast...  I wasn't aware that I read fast, it's not like I signed up for Evelyn Wood's speed reading classes back in the 70's.  But I have been reading that long, and writing almost as long.  I think I personally kept Scholastic books in business - them, and whoever was publishing the Hardy Boys books :-).  Now days, I keep myself busy with the latest Nicholas Sparks or John Grisham novel.  Or Sandra Brown, Tess Gerritsen, Sue Grafton, Janet Evanovich, Stuart Woods, David Baldacci, Lisa Scottoline, James Patterson, Lisa Gardner...  Harry Potter, Twilight, The Hunger Games... Anything with a good story line, characters I can relate to, or a mystery to solve. Even Steven King still entertains me after all these years.  So reading fast?  I pretty much have to, because there are so many books, and there is so little time!
 

March Madness

So....how is your bracket doing this year?  I think mine is doing quite well.  In fact, I haven't lost a single game yet.  How can that be?  Very simple, actually.  I never filled one out!  Works out much better for me that way.  The only March madness I am experiencing is the weather here in South Texas - one day in the 80's, the next it is raining and you need a winter jacket!  When that blasted groundhog saw his shadow, did that add 6 more weeks of winter starting February 2nd, or March 20th?  I am seriously ready for some sunshine!