Men Should Be Happier People!

Just in time for Father's Day, a re-posting from my old blog:
Men Should Be Happier People!

Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one is "just too icky". You don't have to stop and think about which way to turn a bolt. Wrinkles add character.  Wedding dress = $5,000 Tux rental = $100.

People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. A 5-day vacation requires 1 suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a 3-pack. Three pair of shoes are more than enough. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays it's original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice regarding growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.